The list in verses 9-23 includes only Jewish lay people (called the men of the nation), who were not priests or Levites. From verses 9 to 17a the list is according to the names of families and from verses 17b to 23 it is according to the names of places.
Translators will need to determine how to present the list. Good News Bible uses columns to list the names and to state the numbers as numerals. Revised Standard Version lists the names and the numbers in a brief prose form. If columns are used, verses will need to be grouped together, for example, 9-17a and 17b-23 (so Good News Bible). However, if they are presented in text format, each verse can be identified separately by number (so Revised Standard Version). What is important for the translator to remember is that lists are difficult and even tedious to read and therefore their presentation must be as clear as possible for the receptor culture. As each new group of people is introduced, Good News Bible explicitly repeats the information that they were people who “returned from exile” (see verses 9|prj:GNT92.1 Esdras 5.9, 24, 26, 29, 33, 35) or who “also returned” (see verse 17b|prj:GNT92.1 Esdras 5.17b).
The number of the men of the nation and their leaders: The names in the list of verses 9-17a are those of ancestors, the names of the family groups, not the names of the leaders. The leaders were named in verse 8. New English Bible makes this clear by saying “The numbers of those from the nation who returned with their leaders were.” Another possible model is “Here are the numbers of lay people who returned with each family group and their leaders.”
The sons of Shephatiah …: Each family name is preceded by the phrase sons of, meaning “descendants of.” Good News Bible refers to the descendants as “clan.” We may also say “family group.” The family names and numbers here differ somewhat from those in the parallel lists of Ezra 2.3-20 and Neh 7.8-25. Translators should not try to harmonize the variants of names and numbers in this list and those in the lists of Ezra and Nehemiah.
The sons of Pahathmoab, of the sons of Jeshua and Joab (verse 11): The text specifies here that the descendants of Pahathmoab who returned to Judah were those who were descended through the lines of Jeshua and Joab. Pahathmoab means “governor of Moab.” Revised Standard Version writes it as a single word as in the Greek text. Good News Bible follows the Hebrew by writing it as two separate words. Translators should be consistent in whether they write names like Pahathmoab as one word or two. They should follow the version that they have adopted as their model.
The sons of Ater, namely of Hezekiah (verse 15): Although some versions understand these names to refer to two different people, one being the descendant of the other (so King James Version, New English Bible, Revised English Bible, An American Translation), others take them to be two names for the same ancestor as Revised Standard Version and Good News Bible have done (so New Revised Standard Version, Contemporary English Version). It is preferable to take them as two names for the same person.
The sons of Arom (verse 16): No number is given for this family group, which is not even mentioned in the parallel lists of Ezra and Nehemiah.
An alternative model for verses 9-17a is:
• 9 Here are the numbers of lay people who returned with each family group [or, clan] and their leaders:
• Parosh group – 2,172
• Shephatiah group – 472
• 10 Arah group – 756
• 11 Pahath Moab group (descendants of Jeshua and Joab) – 2,812
• 12 Elam group – 1,254
• Zattu group – 945
• Chorbe group – 705
• Bani group – 648
• Bebai group – 623
• Azgad group – 1,322
• 14 Adonikam group – 667
• Bigvai group – 2,066
• Adin group – 454
• 15 Ater group (also known as Hezekiah) – 92
• Kilan and Azetas group – 67
• Azaru group – 432
• 16 Annias group – 101
• Arom group
• Bezai group – 323
• Arsiphurith group – 112
• 17 Baiterus group – 3,005
Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Esdras. (UBS Helps for Translators). Miami: UBS, 2019. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.