This verse is an independent sentence in the Greek text, not a dependent clause. Both Revised Standard Version and Good News Translation make it a “when” clause since it repeats what the Israelites did in 4.4-8. As an alternative, one could consider opening verse 1 with “It was reported to Holofernes…,” “Word then came to Holofernes…,” or “People told Holofernes….” The Greek does indicate that a report was brought to Holofernes; he did not just happen to hear a rumor.

Holofernes, the general of the Assyrian army: Holofernes is identified at this point by information repeated from 2.4. The repetition is not superfluous; it serves a distinct purpose. It magnifies the position of Holofernes over against the Judeans, whose only military action has been to seize some mountain passes and make a great scene of prayer. The identification is for dramatic purposes, not for information. Good News Translation‘s “the Assyrian general” is weak, and Revised Standard Version‘s the general of the Assyrian army is not much better. Holofernes is here called only general, while at 2.4 the identical Greek term is translated more accurately “chief general.” A better translation is “Holofernes, commander-in-chief of the army of Assyria.”

The people of Israel had prepared for war may be rendered “… prepared to fight against him [or, the Assyrians].”

Closed the passes in the hills: Good News Translation reads “blocked the mountain passes,” but this does not mean that the Israelites had physically blocked the passes by rolling huge stones or such into the valley. They were attempting to deny the Assyrians access to the highlands through these passes, by stationing soldiers at key points. Compare 4.7 for a longer comment on passes.

Fortified all the high hilltops: The Greek reads literally “fortified every peak of every high mountain.” This too was done by stationing soldiers at key points.

Set up barricades in the plains: Barricades (skandalon in Greek) are some type of physical obstacle to impede progress through easy terrain, probably pits or traps of some kind. Good News Translation has “roadblocks,” but this incorrectly suggests manned checkpoints. Contemporary English Version is better with “by blocking paths through the valleys.” This word skandalon is often used in a figurative sense, as in Josh 23.13 and Wis 14.11. It is the familiar “stumbling-block” of the New Testament.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.