He: As the Revised Standard Version note indicates, this rendering represents Greek, Syriac, and the Vulgate; Hebrew has “I” (Good News Translation, Die Bibel im heutigen Deutsch), which is the preference of Hebrew Old Testament Text Project. The first person reference would of course be to God. We recommend translators follow the Hebrew here.
Kindle a fire in the temples of the gods of Egypt: The meaning is clearly “set fire to the temples of Egypt’s gods” (Good News Translation). Those translators who have had to construct an expression for temple (see 7.1-3) and who also may have had some difficulty with gods (see 1.16) may have to render the temples of the gods of Egypt as “the buildings where the Egyptians worshiped [or, prayed to] those things [or, idols] they called God.”
He shall burn them and carry them away captive: Here the pronoun he refers to the king of Babylonia, not to the LORD. Burn them and carry them away captive is difficult, since it is not likely that the same objects would be both burned and carried away. Good News Translation renders “will either burn their gods or carry them off.” We may also translate “he will burn some of their gods and carry others off.”
He shall clean the land of Egypt essentially means that he will either take or destroy everything of value in Egypt. There will be nothing left when he has finished. Translators should try to retain the image of clean, particularly because it fits well with the next image of cleaning lice off a cloak. But if this is not possible, they can have “he will leave nothing of worth in Egypt” or “he will leave Egypt completely bare.”
As a shepherd cleans his cloak of vermin is the meaning that most translations follow for the Hebrew verb here (Good News Translation, Die Bibel im heutigen Deutsch, Traduction œcuménique de la Bible, New American Bible, Revised English Bible). It is also the one we recommend, though New Jerusalem Bible has “like a shepherd wrapping his cloak round him,” which is the meaning also followed by New International Version. The problem is that a verb from an identical root occurs several times in the Old Testament with the meaning “cover,” whereas this is the only place in the Hebrew Old Testament where this particular meaning (“pick off”) is seen for the verb. The Septuagint, which has a verb that means “delouse,” supports this interpretation. Vermin in English can refer to animals such as rats and mice as well as to insects. But vermin that are on a cloak are more likely to be lice, which is the usual translation.
He shall go away from there in peace may be misleading, suggesting that the land itself will be left in peace when he leaves. The meaning is rather “and then leave victorious” (Good News Translation) or “Then he will leave without anyone standing in his way” (Die Bibel im heutigen Deutsch). New Jerusalem Bible has “and then leave without anyone laying hands on him.”
Quoted with permission from Newman, Barclay M. and Stine, Philip C. A Handbook on Jeremiah. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2003. For this and other handbooks for translators see here .