When this man arrived in Jerusalem may be rendered “When Apollonius arrived in Jerusalem” (similarly Good News Bible).

He pretended to be peaceably disposed: Good News Bible says “pretending to be on a peace mission,” which is a bit misleading; it implies that two sides were at war, and he was coming to negotiate a peace. However, this clause simply means he pretended to have no hostile intentions. So we may say “he lied and said he wanted peace” (Contemporary English Version), “he pretended that he wanted only peace,” or even “he pretended to come in peace.”

And waited until the holy sabbath day; then, finding the Jews not at work, he ordered his men to parade under arms: We recommend that translators begin a new sentence at this point as Good News Bible does. For sabbath see the comments on 1Macc 1.39. The sabbath is called holy because it belonged to God. The Jews were taught to keep it holy by setting it apart for God and making it a day of rest when no work should be done. The holy sabbath day may be rendered “the Sabbath that was consecrated to God.” Then, finding the Jews not at work simply means “when all the Jews were observing the day of rest” (Good News Bible). The next verse makes it clear that the military parade was outside the city walls. So Good News Bible and Contemporary English Version insert “outside the city” in this verse to set the scene. Apollonius looked for an opportunity to gather the people together in order to kill them more easily, so he waited until the day of rest when people would not be busy at their jobs. He then had his army stage a military ceremony outside the city walls, the kind of thing that people would come to see out of curiosity. When they came together to watch the parade, he killed them.

Here is an alternative model for this verse:

• When Apollonius arrived in Jerusalem, he pretended that he wanted only peace. He waited until the holy Sabbath day. Then, when the Jews were not busy with their work, he ordered his soldiers to take their weapons and hold a parade outside the city.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.