Translators may insert a paragraph break here, as in Good News Bible.

When this matter became known: Good News Bible adds the word “everywhere,” which is not necessary. A better model is simply “News of what had happened [or, of this] spread” or “People in many places heard what had happened.” It is a good idea to make a separate sentence of this clause, as Good News Bible does, since the rest of the sentence in Greek, which extends through verse 34, is long and very complex.

And it was reported to the king of the Persians may be expressed as “Even the emperor of Persia heard.” or “People told the Persian emperor.”

That, in the place where the exiled priests had hidden the fire, the liquid had appeared with which Nehemiah and his associates had burned the materials of the sacrifice: The exiled priests refers to priests who were taken into exile after hiding the fire (see verse 19). Good News Bible says “the priests … just before they were taken into exile,” which is a good model; but for languages with no passive voice, we may say “the priests … just before their enemies dragged them away to the land of Persia.” Nehemiah and his associates (Good News Bible “Nehemiah and his friends”; Contemporary English Version “Nehemiah and his followers”) is literally “those around Nehemiah,” which could be translated literally as “Nehemiah’s men” or “the men with Nehemiah.” Revised Standard Version, Good News Bible, and Contemporary English Version have Nehemiah directly involved with the burning of the sacrifice, but the Greek here and in verse 21 does not actually say this. We think that it is better to speak here only of the men (the priests of verse 21) around Nehemiah, and not of Nehemiah himself. So a better model for with which Nehemiah and his associates had burned the materials of the sacrifice is “Nehemiah had the priests use the liquid to burn a sacrifice.”

As noted above, verses 33-34 form one long sentence in Greek, as in Revised Standard Version. Good News Bible breaks this sentence into several shorter ones, which other languages may find helpful. Another model that does this for verse 33 is:

• The emperor of Persia learned all about it. He heard that the priests who were taken into exile [or, the priests whose enemies dragged them away to Persia] had hidden the fire, and that the returning priests had found a liquid [or, thick black oil] in the place where the fire had been hidden. He also heard that Nehemiah had the priests use the liquid [or, this oil] to set fire to a sacrifice.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.